Bonjour à tous et toutes!
I am currently sitting in one of my favorite cafés in Paris located in the Marais. I have just finished my internship (I cannot believe that it is already done... where has time gone??). I finished last Thursday and I purposefully blocked out a month of traveling, hanging out and creating in Paris before I head home at the end of August.
I feel really different this time about this "ending" than pretty much any other "ending" of a chapter in my life. So here are my thoughts on why this ending feels different:
Ending my first professional experience in French, moving out of my first Paris apartment, and leaving a great group of friends that I have made in Paris (whom I've met through many "first" sort of moments while being here) ... there have been a lot of firsts these past 7 months. It doesn't feel like a closing of a chapter in the same way that I did last time when I left France for TAPIF (as an English teaching assistant). Last time I left France, it felt sudden, unfair and just overall... very unfinished due to COVID. Although honestly, the circumstances are somewhat similar this time as before (not sure where I am going to be living 6 months from now, not sure if I am going to find a job in 1 month, 2 months or 5 months) I genuinely feel like I am understanding that endings are the start to new beginnings (so cheesy I know) and I am a lot less afraid.
Last winter, after a difficult break-up... picking up everything I owned and moving across the world... I understand to my core what it means to end a chapter and begin a new one. The feelings of fear, panic, and uncertainty had arose very quickly to the surface when I was transitioning from living with a house full of people in Wisconsin to suddenly, a (very) small apartment of 1 across the world.
However, I believe that with uncertainty and endings there is a sort of untapped power that comes along with that. The power to maneuver, reinvent, repurpose and reshape for whatever comes next. I especially like this idea of repurpose. For example, these past 7 months I have dove into the professional French world and the international education sphere which has really redefined how I thought of myself as a professional. This newly developed "professional" part of my identity has always been there but I have now repurposed all of my previous professional experiences and combined them into this singular one and it feels just...solid.
So back to the main theme: endings.
Overall, I think that endings are important and should be recognized (I love how they provide a temporary moment of reflection, I love nothing more than that haha) but I am learning that endings should not be so... sad. After 25 years, I can finally appreciate a good ending. I am not sure if it is because I am growing more into who I am supposed to be or what the heck it is, but I think that I am now finally able to appreciate what this experience has meant to me, and take it along with me (to repurpose it) rather than feel upset on never having another experience like it again.
I'd really like to hear your thoughts on what endings mean to you or what "endings" in your life actually brought the best beginnings. Have you always seen endings as sad, joyful, or scary? Or a little bit of everything?
Feel free to share or reflect on your own. Thanks for spending a moment of your day reading this and visiting my corner of the internet.
À la prochaine!
Kristin
Quote of the week:
“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.” - Ellen Goodman
Currently reading: Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke
Currently listening to : La bicyclette radio on Spotify ➡️ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1E8UB02tSuv0Rr?si=cdbb13bbb54d4e5a
Song La bicyclette ➡️ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHOh8XhLgXE
Photograph of the week:
Le Canal St. Martin - juillet 2022
Réflextion
Tricia! Forgive me, I am just getting back around to my blog (slowly but surely finishing up my master's thesis!). I know it has been months but that being said, I appreciate your words and comments just as much. Thanks for enjoying my thoughts about "endings" and for reading the post :)
It is interesting that you mentioned how the most perplexing thought for you is how to end your career. I was actually just recently talking to my mom about her friend who has built a wine-making business here (in Door County) and he is now facing a similar reality too. I think that yes, a little planning (and grace for yourself and your feelings of grief/closure) is…
Kristin, ma chère, this is Jace! This reflection of yours on 'endings' is great and I appreciate the maturity, transparency, and realness that you exhibit in it. These, as well as your positivity and optimism, are appreciated and so refreshing to take in. Thanks for writing!
As someone like you that has a few different 'end' scenarios maybe similar to yours (specifically after studying and living abroad for extended amounts of time), I share the feeling with you that the 'end' experience of this sort is profound and can feel largely definitive, i.e. the idea and emotions that you may never have a similar experience again and more certainly that in the future you will never be able to 'recreate'…
Kristin! Thank you for such a thoughtful post - my day always improves whenever one of your posts graces my inbox! I particularly relate to you ending feeling, and have a lot of mixed emotions. My job ends in a few short weeks, and then a few weeks after that, I’m off to Italy for an entirely new adventure. I’m sad to be leaving life in DC and it’s weird to think it going on without me, but your comment about repurposing struck a chord. It reminded me that everything that’s happened in my life up until now has been on purpose, and that remains true going forward. A reason exists behind my career this far, and now this experience…
I love your thoughts about "endings," Kristin. In my 50 years, I've had a few. Some expected, some surprising, some happy, and some sad. But the one that perplexes me the most is how I end my career. I've built a business, but I'm not sure how to exit gracefully when the time comes. I guess having a graceful ending needs to include a little planning, whenever possible. Enjoy the next month of exploration and reflection. Tie this one up in a neat little bow!